I Began to Understand
by bechloemygreys
Summary: But then I remember when you packed my car You reached in the back and buckled up your heart For me to drive away with


"That's the last of the boxes," Chloe said sadly as she closed the backseat door of Beca's car. "I can't believe you're moving so far," she said.

"It's an hour south of here, and Jesse paid for it," Beca shrugged. "It was impossible to say no to." She and Jesse hadn't been getting along so well lately, but he had bought an apartment and Beca thought maybe it would help their relationship if they were living together.

"It's like...almost to the border of Florida," Chloe said over-dramatically.

"It is not," Beca protested. "It's like 2 hours from the border, stupid."

"I'm gonna miss you so much," Chloe said, her eyes filling with tears. "What am I gonna do without you?"

"You're not gonna be without me. I'll be here all the time," Beca said. She was having second thoughts herself. She and Chloe had thought about getting a place together, but then Aubrey offered Chloe a room in her apartment and Jesse got an apartment for him and Beca.

"You're gonna hate me but can we have a movie night tonight? The Notebook is on Freeform at 9. We could FaceTime."

"You're the worst," Beca laughed, shaking her head at the redhead.

"You know you love me, babes," Chloe smirked, wrapping Beca in a hug. "I'm gonna miss hugging you whenever I want."

Beca didn't say anything in response, but just held onto the hug a little longer than usual.

"You alright?" Chloe asked, but she wouldn't let go of Beca until she did first.

"Yeah, fine," Beca said, finally pulling away. "FaceTime at 9?"

"Yep, and make sure you have snacks!" Chloe said, giving her best friend one last hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. "Love you Becs." That was something Beca loved about Chloe, the affection she showed towards her. The extra effort she made to make Beca feel loved and protected.

"Love you too, Chlo," Beca said as she climbed into the car.

She started driving and turned on the ramp to get onto the highway. She plugged in her phone and blasted her music, trying to get every single regret out of her mind. She was starting a life with her boyfriend, what could she regret about that? She was leaving her friends behind, but she'd still see them a ton. She just couldn't get the feeling of guilt out of her stomach, and she couldn't figure out why.

She passed the exit that she was supposed to get off on and kept driving. The thing about Beca was when she was upset, she'd blast some music and drive until she didn't know where she was. She just needed to free herself from anything holding her back, and driving and music did that for her. She was lost, and she thought maybe if she physically got lost, she'd find herself. She never did, and she'd usually end up calling Chloe in a panic, freaking out over her 4G not working, and begging the redhead to come to her rescue, and Chloe always did. No matter how far she was or how hard it was to find her. But this time was different. She was leaving because she had to, not because she wanted to. She was leaving her best friend behind. The girl she loved more than anything, maybe even her boyfriend.

 _But then I remembered when you packed my car, you reached in the back and buckled up your heart for me to drive away with._

She kept driving and driving until she saw a sign that read "Florida: 2.5 miles," and wondered how the hell she spaced out for that long. She exited the highway and pulled up to a coffee house, not exactly knowing what to do with herself. She got out of the car and went inside, ordering a black coffee before sitting down at a table and pulling out her phone. She debated in whether or not to call Chloe yet. She could just drive back, and Chloe would never know, but she wanted the redhead to be with her. She needed it. She hit call and took a deep breath as the redhead picked up.

"Hey Becs! Did you make it to your place alright? The girls already miss you a ton. We ordered Chinese food for lunch and I know how much you love it."

"Chlo," Beca said softly, "I didn't go to Jesse's."

"What? Why? Where are you?" Chloe asked frantically. "I'm coming to get you."

"I just kept driving, I don't know what happened. I'm in Florida," Beca sighed.

"I'll take an uber, text me the address," Chloe said. "I'll be there in like 3 hours."

"It's 7 o'clock on a Sunday night, nothing is gonna be open by the time you get here. I'll probably end up sleeping in my car or something," Beca said.

"You just crossed the border, surely there must be a hotel or something," Chloe said. She heard a sigh through the phone and her heart broke for the brunette. She knew something was wrong earlier, and she felt awful that she couldn't help Beca through it at the time. "Hey Beca?"

"Yeah?" Beca said quietly.

"Don't worry about it," Chloe said softly. "I'll be there in a few hours."

"Okay," Beca said. "Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me, you're my best friend. I'd do anything for you in a heartbeat," Chloe replied. "Can I bring you anything?"

"No, it's okay," Beca said. "I'll see you soon."

"Hang in there, I'll be there as soon as possible," Chloe said gently.

"Okay Chlo, see you," Beca said. She hung up and finished her cup of coffee before walking up to the counter and getting another one. She finished off that cup and opened her laptop, mindlessly scrolling through her facebook page for a half hour before getting another cup. For awhile she sat staring out the window, watching all the cars go by. She got up to get another cup, but the worker had already brought a pot over and was pouring it into her cup.

"I'm cutting you off after this," she said with a laugh. "You've been here 2 hours."

"I'm aware of that," Beca shrugged. "I'm paying for the coffee, why are you cutting me off?"

"Because we're closing in ten minutes and you've had 3 cups already. It's a Sunday night, don't you have somewhere to be?"

"No," Beca shrugged. "I'm waiting for someone."

"Honey you've been here for 2 hours, I don't think they're coming."

"She's coming, I just called her a few hours ago and she lives 3 hours away," Beca said.

"She dropped everything to come here?" The woman asked.

"She's like that," Beca smiled.

"Well I'm Janey," the woman said.

"Beca" she replied, shaking the woman's hand.

"This girl...are you dating?" Janey asked.

"No, she's my best friend," Beca said. "I always get myself into shit like this, and she always comes to rescue me."

"What shit?" Janey asked.

"Driving until I'm lost," Beca shrugged. "I think I can find myself, but I don't."

"Maybe the answer isn't in getting lost, maybe it's in who finds you," Janey shrugged.

Beca took a minute to process that thought before ignoring it all together. She wasn't in the mood to deal with feelings, let alone therapy from a stranger. "Do you know of a hotel around here that might have a room?" she asked.

"Most of them should have something available. The Hilton is the nicest, I would recommend trying that one."

"Okay, thanks," Beca said.

"Honey you need to get some food in you. That much caffiene without any food isn't gonna sit well on your stomach," Janey said. "I can get you a muffin if you want."

"Oh, sure," Beca said, pulling her wallet out of her back pocket. "How much is it?"

"It's on the house," Janey said, slipping it into a paper bag and handing it to Beca with a couple of napkins.

"Thanks," Beca said.

"Maybe I'll see you tomorrow," Janey said.

"Yeah," Beca shrugged.

"And maybe you'll have found yourself by then," Janet said. "Here's a tip, loading up on caffeine and shutting people out isn't the answer."

"It's the only way I know, but I'll try to remember that. Thanks," Beca smiled.

She drove across the street to the Hilton, parking the car and going inside. She went up to the front desk and let out an exasperated sigh. "Do you have any rooms available?"

"Yes we do," the woman said, handing her a key as Beca handed her her debit card.

"Thank you," Beca smiled. She sat down on a couch in the lobby and pulled out her phone to text Chloe that she was at the hotel. She stood up and paced around the lobby for awhile before sitting back down. She continued that process for another half hour before she saw an Uber pull up to the hotel. She stared out the window as her best friend stepped out of the car and grabbed a backpack out before walking in.

Beca ran up to Chloe and wrapped her in a hug. "Forgive me," she whispered before crashing her lips into the taller girl's. "I need you," she whispered, bursting into tears.

Chloe held onto her and they swayed back and forth for a minute. Beca finally let go and held onto Chloe's hands. Chloe smiled softly and brought her hands up to wipe Beca's tears. "Shhh, you're okay now," she said softly. "I'm here."

Beca nodded and held onto Chloe's hand. "I got a hotel room," she said.

"You're shaking, do you have a fever?" Chloe asked, putting the back of her hand to Beca's forehead. "You don't feel warm."

"I had four cups of coffee," Beca said.

"Have you eaten anything?" Chloe asked.

"I had a muffin," Beca said.

"You need to eat some more," Chloe said. "I picked up some bacon jerky, I know it's your favorite," she smiled. She was always doing things like that for Beca. Anything to make her happy.

"Thanks," Beca said, letting go of Chloe's hand to open the door. She put her laptop bag on the bed and laid down, shutting her eyes for a minute.

"Beca bear, you need to eat and drink some water," Chloe said, pulling her up until she was sitting. "And we need to talk."

"I don't want to talk," Beca said, taking a piece of jerky out of the bag. Chloe opened a bottle of water for her, which was always something the smaller girl struggled with.

"Well right now you have nowhere to live," Chloe said. "Unless you're gonna go move in with Jesse."

"I can't," Beca said, shaking her head.

"Why not?" Chloe asked. She hated to push, but she wanted to help Beca figure things out.

"You know how at a certain point in a relationship, you know whether or not you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with someone?" Chloe nodded. "Well I couldn't see myself with him," she said with a sigh. "The only person I can see myself spending the rest of my life with is...you." She whispered the last part. "And I'm just questioning everything. I have been for the last few years, but I think I might be into girls, and it's so scary, Chlo. I just feel so lost."

"You're not lost anymore, I found you," Chloe said, wrapping her arms around Beca.

"I want to move in with you, I want to spend my life with you," Beca said. "I don't even know where this is going, I just know I don't want a life without you in it. I don't even want a day without you." she put her head in her hands and choked out a sob. "I'm fucking this up so much. You're my best friend, what the fuck am I even saying?"

"Beca, I wouldn't mind being more than friends, I just want you to know that I'm always going to be here for you, whenever you need, no matter what we are."

"I need to break up with Jesse," Beca said, picking up her phone.

"Beca not now," Chloe said. "You're tired and hyped up on caffiene, you need to think through this."

"I have been, for weeks now," Beca said. "I can't be with him anymore, I'm not as happy as I could be."

Chloe nodded and held onto Beca's hand as the brunette put her phone to her ear.

"Becaw! Where are you? I thought you were coming today?" He asked.

"Jesse," Beca rushed out nervously. "I can't move in with you," she said anxiously. She squeezed Chloe's hand and the redhead pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"Why? Where are you? Are you at home?"

"I'm not, I'm in Florida," Beca said. "I'm with Chloe."

"So you're safe?" He asked, and Beca's heart broke at this. He cared so much, and she hated hurting him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Beca said. "Jesse listen, there's something I need to tell you. I don't want to hurt you, I really don't, but I'm not happy. I don't know if it's because of me or just life in general, but I can't be with you anymore."

"I don't understand, did you meet someone else?" He asked.

"Not anyone new," she said softly. "I was questioning myself, and I needed to figure out who I am and what I want, and I did." She smiled at Chloe and the redheads eyes filled with tears. "Jesse listen, you make me happy, but not in the way I want to be happy. I needed to experiment, and I think I have. I came down here to find myself, but the person who followed me was the answer."

"I understand," Jesse admitted. "Beca, I just want you to be happy, it's all I've ever wanted."

"Thank you," Beca said genuinely.

"No problem, Bec. I'll see you around sometime."

Beca hung up and rested her head on Chloe's shoulder. "Can we go get some real food now? I saw a 24 hour Dennys somewhere around here," she said.

"I'd hardly call Dennys real food, but sure," Chloe said with a laugh. "You know every other time you call me you act all badass like you drove off on purpose, but this time it was so...different. I knew you weren't feeling right when you left. I should've been there for you."

"You're here right now, that's what's important," Beca said.

"What are we now?" Chloe asked as they walked out of the hotel room holding hands. "Because I'd really like to be your girlfriend."

"I would like that too," Beca said. "Hey I know you're comfortable-ish with your sexuality and everything, how do I get there?"

"You find someone you love," Chloe said. "You were the first of the girls I came out to, I trust and love you."

"I'm not even sure I want to put a label on it," Beca said with a shrug. "Does that make me invalid?"

"Of course it doesn't, and it doesn't make you confused either. You know you like girls and you know you like guys, that's all you have to say," Chloe said.

"Hey Chlo? I love you, so much." Beca gave her a kiss on the cheek and jumped onto her back.

"I love you too," Chloe laughed, spinning around as she ran down the hallway carrying Beca. "You're still shaking so much, you gotta lay off the coffee."

"I had nothing to do, I couldn't just sit there and not buy anything," Beca laughed. "You look beautiful today."

"So do you," Chloe said.

"Oh please, I'm exhausted and shaky and I've been sitting in a truck stop coffee house for 4 hours."

"You're always beautiful," Chloe said.

They drove to Denny's and Beca got a stack of pancakes, and Chloe got a spinach omelette. When they got back to their hotel, Chloe pulled her favorite sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants out of her bag and handed them to Beca. "I brought you some pajamas, I figured you'd want to change."

"This is your favorite sweatshirt, the one from Florida," Beca said. "The one you got mad at me for wearing one time." She thought back to back when she and Chloe shared all of their clothes until she wore that sweatshirt and Chloe was really upset. Her grandmother had gotten it for her just before she died, and Beca had no clue. After that, Beca began asking Chloe to borrow things and felt less comfortable around the redhead. After awhile, they got back to themselves, but that sweatshirt was off limits, and it still was, as far as she knew.

"I never apologized for that, I was being a bitch, I'm sorry."

"It was years ago, don't worry about it. And I get it, I have things I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with people too."

"You're not just people. You're my best friend and my girlfriend and I should have been nicer about it."

"Chloe if you don't want anyone touching it, I won't wear it," Beca said seriously.

"No, it's okay, I want you to know I'm okay with it," Chloe said, handing the pajamas to Beca. The brunette still looked apprehensive but Chloe gave her a kiss on the forehead to confirm it really was okay.

Beca changed into the pajamas and Chloe changed into hers before they both climbed into bed. Chloe immediately wrapped her arms around Beca's waist. They cuddled as friends, but it felt so much nicer now that it meant something. "Should we put on a movie or something?" She asked softly, bringing up her hand to stroke Beca's hair.

"Can we just lay here? No talking, no distractions? I just want to be in this moment," Beca said softly.

"Of course, beautiful," Chloe said sweetly. She loved Beca's vulnerable moments, when the smaller girl was willing to relax and open up a little bit.

"Goodnight Chlo," Beca whispered, giving her a gentle kiss before they both fell asleep.

She was finally found.


End file.
